frustration

So, recently I have noticed something, and it is really beginning to irk me. I know a few people who recently got married at a young age, and then their husbands joined the military. I can only imagine how hard that is, especially as newlyweds. The thing that is bothering me, though, is the way these young girls talk. I am beginning to talk like well my husband is fighting for this....our husbands are fighting for that... Hm. I can't really articulate the way they are talking....it just doesn't sound the same when I say it...lol. Well, let me just describe it, opposed to giving an example. These girls are talking like their husbands are the only ones fighting. They are talking like nobody else knows what it is like to have loved ones risking their lives. That is really irritating to me. I have a sister and three brothers that are/were in the army. One brother went to Afghanistan towards the beginning of this war. Another brother went to Iraq twice, and will probably be heading out for a third time over seas before too long. Soon two of my three sister will live out of the country because of the army. One of my nephews and my niece are going to be out of the country. Just because they aren't fighting doesn't mean I don't know what it feels like to have someone gone. They are living in other countries to work, and support their husbands who are fighting. Plus, like I already said, I do have people in my family going to the middle east and fighting. These days, almost everyone has a family member or friend who is in the military fighting for our freedom. Yeah, your husband is fighting, so it my sister and two brothers. Don't forget about my brother who already fought. Don't talk or act like you are the only person who is going through that, or the only person whose family is fighting for our freedom. I'm grateful your husband is, but he is NOT the only one. Don't act like I don't know what it feels like, and don't act like I am not appreciative, or you are the only one who is truly appreciative. You are not. The End.

Acting Foolishly.

Lately I have been experiencing a lot of loneliness. It is a horrible feeling. I am constantly trying to console myself and fill the void that I have. I try to fill it with friends, activities, guys, and plenty of other things. These things help for the moment, but as soon as they are gone, so is the good feeling. I know what the problem is. I am trying to fill a void that only God can fill. I know this with my head, but for some reason it isn't translating to my heart. The fact is, I need to spend more time with God. I know that, but I still don't do it. It is like I doubt His power. It is like I doubt His awesomeness. I don't want to doubt God. I want to feel secure in Him. Why do I keep holding on to the worldly things that will fail me? Why? I am foolish; that is why.

Questions

In the college group at our church, our young adult minister, Jason, and his wife, Ruthie, did a short series on dating, engagement, and marriage. They gave us biblical evidence and practical advise on the subject. They suggested these 18 questions be asked before engagement. These are key things that should be discussed before you plan to spend the rest of your lives together! Some of these are a given. On the other hand, some are things you wouldn't think to ask. I wanted to document them here since I will probably lose the paper.

Questions to ask before engagement.

1.What is your greatest fear or concern about being married? What have you done to address those concerns?

2.How do you define "healthy interdependence"? How would you maintain that in a marriage?

3. What do you believe are appropriate sexual expectations during marriage?

4. Do you want to have children? Why or why not?

5. How were you disciplined as a child? How would you discipline our children?

6. Describe your spiritual journey over the past ten years.Describe the high points and low points.

7.How do you handle conflict? Do you retreat, explode, or something else?

8. What are three things that really irritate you?

9. What are you expectations of interactions with in-laws and extended family?

10. What was your economic background when growing up? How has that impacted you today?

11. Are you a saver or a spender when it comes to money?

12. What are you dreams and goals for the next 5 years? 10 years?

13. Openly, but carefully, discuss you past sexual experiences.

14. What is there about my life that concerns you at this point?

15. How would you keep romance alive if we were to marry?

16. How has you relationship with God changed because of your relationship with me?

17. What is your personality type?

18. What are your expectation of your spouse?


Making the most of your engagement:

*Set stricter boundaries for time spent alone together and physical intimacy.

*The wedding process is stressful. Stay on the same team.

*Expect to get cold feet. (Nerves are expected. It is okay to ask yourself if you are ready to be a provider, or to be submissive. If you are asking yourself if you should marry the person...seriously reconsider.)

*Take premarital counseling classes.

*Pay off as much individual debt as possible.

*Make a plan for your new life together.

*Enjoy the journey.


Questions to ask before/while dating:

1. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years?

2. What is the most important thing in your life and why?

3. What does your ideal family look like?

4. What is your parenting philosophy?

5. What is your personal philosophy on your finances? Are you a spender or a saver when it comes to money?

6. Would you ever adopt children? What are you thoughts on an ethnically mixed family?

7. What is your ideal relationship you would want with your in-laws?

8. What would a perfect weekend look like with your spouse?

9. Do you have interests that you would want your significant other to share?

10. What values do you want to bring from your family into a marriage?

11. Do you face difficult situations or try to avoid conflict?

12. Can you forgive?

13. What are you physical/ sex expectations, while dating and married?

14. Is seeking Godly counsel an issue in your life important to you?

15. Is there anything you need in your life, but have a hard time asking for?

16. What are you top 5 goals you want to achieve in your lifetime?

So obviously some of the question in the first set are derived from some of these. These things are all important to know when dating someone. After all, dating is to find a spouse! "When a guy asks these questions, the girl knows he is interested. When a girl asks these questions, a guy knows she serious." -Jason The fact is, these can be awkward topics to bring up. It can feel weird to ask, and weird to answer, but these can help weed out the people that are not right for you. They are important!

Fin.

Okay so I just posted, but I need to again. Ya know that cute little owl on a branch I use at the end of every post? Do you remember that little graphics I add every once in a while? (all from shabby blogs) Well, I guess I am not going to use them anymore because blogger changed how you insert a picture and stuff and when I try to do it, it doesn't come out right. Why do things always have to be changed??? I am tired of every freakin website "fixing" things that are NOT broken. Facebook does it. Myspace does it. Everything freakin does it and it pisses me off. Really. You are NOT making improvements. All you are doing is making things are difficult and annoying. Things were simple and easy and all you really did is make tit more difficult. I'm considering moving my blog to the tumblr I recently made. Ugh. I am so aggravated. A bad mood was already stemming, but not it is in full force because of stupid people who run stupid websites.
(no owl here because of you, stupid people who design blogger.)

ugh. err. gah. sheesh. umph. Same old story, so I will get to the point. I am tired of this crap. People need to be straight forward and not beat around the bush. They need to not put people under false impressions. They need to not lead people on. Be real with me and we will be dandy.

post via nook

Soo... i am writing this post from my nook instead of my laptop so i wont bother much for correct grammer or sspelling errors. Bear with me. Im not eexactly sure what i want to say but i know i need to write. I know i need to say something.i may just babble on and on about unimportant things or nothing at all rezlly. I just havent compiled any of my thoughts lately. I have so many thoughts in my bead at the moment. They are all zooming past each other in my mind. Im not sure where to start. Hmm. I think i am just going to make it simple and make a list of all my random thoughts.
1. I cant wait to get married.
2. I hope my dog knight doesnt pee or poop in the house.
3. I really dont want to wake up at 530 to take knight outside so he doesnnt do #2
4. I think i tend to like guys out of my league. Is that the answer?
5. I find it extremely rude when you invite someone to do something over text and they dont reply and that means no. Seriously... just reply and say no.
6. I found a wedding dress i am in love with
7. I cant wait to fall in love.
i cant wait to move out.
Im dropping the numbers now.
i want to be happy...like ecstatic happy.
I have stomachecramps...blah
a lot of the time i feel like no one pays attention to me.
I want to be certain
i am sleepy
Im not sure i can go tosleep
I like to snuggle
i wish i had someone to snuggle with right now
Its probably a goood thing no one reads my blog.
Im not gonna lie...i kinda wish people did.

I am so irked right now, I can hardly write. I am rewriting sentences over and over just so they make some sense. Sorry if I ramble and don't make sense. I can't wait until I am self sufficient. I can't take this much longer. I can't wait until I can stand on my own two feet. I want to provide for myself. I want to make my own decisions. I am tired of having to do what everyone else says. I am tired of having to be supported. I am so sick and tired of all this crap. I seriously need to get away....Soon.

I just want to be truly happy. Is that so much to ask for?

My King

my king is the king of the jew
the king of Israel
the king of righteousness
the king of the ages
the king of heaven
the king of glory
the king of kings
the lord of lords
That's my king
my king is a sovereign king
no means of measure can define his limitless love
He's enduringly strong
he's entirely sincere
he's eternally steadfast
he's immortally graceful
he's imperially powerful
he's impartially merciful
He's the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world
He's God's son
He's a sinner's savior
He's the centerpiece of civilization
He's unparalleled
He's unprecedented
He's the loftiest idea in literature
He's the highest personality in philosophy
He's the fundamental doctrine of true theology
He's the only one qualified to be an all sufficient savior
He supplies strength for the weak
He's available for the tempted and the tried
He sympathizes and he saves
He strengthens and sustains
He guards and he guides
He heals the sick
He cleansed the lepers
He forgives sinners
He discharges debtors
He delivers the captive
He defends the feeble
He blesses the young
He serves the unfortunate
He regards the aged
He rewards the diligent
he beautifies the meager
He's the key to knowledge
He's the wellspring of wisdom
He's the doorway of deliverance
He's the pathway of peace
He's the roadway of righteousness
He's the highway of holiness
He's the gateway of glory
His life is matchless
His goodness is limitless
His mercy is everlasting
His love never changes
His word is enough
His grace is sufficient
His reign is righteous
His yoke is easy
His burden is light
He's indescribable
He's incomprehensible
He's invincible
He's irresistible
You can't get him out of your mind
You can't get him off your hand
You can't outlive him
You can't live without him
The pharisees couldn't stand him
They found out they couldn't stop him
Pilate couldn't find any fault in him
Herod couldn't kill him
Death couldn't handle him
His grave couldn't hold him
That's my king.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upGCMl_b0n4

virus.

64 ounces of white cherry powerade, two Mucinex DM pills, two Airborne tablets, and one centrum vitamin.
When am I going to get better???? : /

finding my way home.

So, it seems like the thing everyone from church does after high school is try out new churches. Why is this? I'm sure it is different for every person, but I m beginning to realize why I feel the need to do so. I have gone to the same church all 18 years of my life. Sure I have visited other churches on occasion, but not really with the mindset of looking for a church home. Some people at my church make looking for a new church seem taboo. They spout out stuff like "You already have a church home," or "Don't date the church." They look down on me and other teenagers who have the same desires. I've had people tell me that the music doesn't matter, if you don't like something it doesn't matter; you are there for God. I agree with the last part. I am there for God, but where my opinion differs, is saying that all those things don't matter at all. If those things didn't matter at all, why is there so many churches with different styles. I am not saying I want to join a different religion, or even stop going to church. Not at all. I am saying I want to meet and befriend new believers, hear new people share the gospel, and worship with a new group of voices. As long as I am still with fellow believers, learning, and worshiping is it that bad that I go to a new venue? I never got the chance to find a church home. I was in my parents church home. Maybe I will go check out some other churches and decide to go to one of them. Maybe I will decide my church now is my church home... who cares as long as I am following Christ and growing in my relationship with him? Church can be anywhere where I am surrounded by fellow believers worshiping our God.

Prom

Nails- check
Toes- check
Shower- check
Face mask- checkHair-
Makeup-
Eyebrows-
Outfit-

oh prom, and all your tedious tasks.

oh, life.

Man! It seems like when things start going good for a while, they have to crash and burn. I wonder if this is me sabotaging myself, or just they way life goes...

breezy.

My heart is going wild.

 

 

If we stop singing, could we stand our ground?

The Outsiders

-NeedToBreathe

 

What is it about certain people that drives me wild? I have absolutely no idea. I could name off a few personality traits that I like, or I think are admirable, but is that it? Or, is it the chase that gets me. I am beginning to think that is it. At least in a lot of cases. I don't like being the person who is never content when I get what I thought I wanted. Does that even make sense? Hmph. 

This is a really great song. In fact, I love it. 

...and her heart went bu-bump a little faster than normal.

 

 

One Day Without Shoes

Ain't Gonna Cry

-Bryan Adams

People say that telling the truth is the best way to go. If that is true, why does it seem like the people who are honest are always in the most pain, or get hurt more often. What is the payoff for telling the truth? I was asked a tough question, and now I am sitting here, stomach hurting, and my worried mind going through all the possibilities. This doesn't seem like much of a payoff. Okay, okay. I know the benefits of telling the truth, and the consequences of lying. I'm not stupid or naive. It just one of those things that drive you bonkers because it is often a lose, lose situation regardless if you tell the truth or not. I guess time will tell in the instance. It is possible that I am overacting and thinking the worse. It is also possible that my answer changed the dynamics. No. I know it changed the dynamics. I just don't know how. I am terrified of the unknown. Truly terrified. 

skins

Skins is better when the characters have British accents. "When I'm ready I'll pour salt on them, when I'm good and ready" "They're man and woman kissing!" "Sid: Tony, I love her! Tony: No, you don't. Sid: Okay, maybe I don't."<3

who are you when I'm not looking?

I don't know quite what to say, I just know I want to say something.  I am warning you now, this post may make very little sense. There is a boy, and he kinda gives me butterflies. At one point he asked me why I started talking to him a lot. I said I am looking for a friend. This is true, but I am looking for more too, I guess. I am not even quite sure why I have a crush on this kid, but I do. I mean, I barely know him, really. But there is just something about him. Oh well. Whatever happens in life happens. I am not going to spend enormous amounts of time worrying about the way things are, or are not, working out. I spend soooooo much of my life just trying to get things perfect, and then being upset when they don't work out that way. My new goal is to get to the point where I don't let stupid things break my heart. My heart is torn and tattered from so many things in my past that I have let destroy my world. God said protect your heart, and it is time I start doing that, in every aspect of life.

@Work

Do You Wanna Touch Me

-Glee

Currently at work. One hour left. What would I do without Netflix? It helps time pass so much faster. I am now into the UK's Skins. I haven't watched the US show..maybe that will be next. Well, I just wanted to write a little something, and now I am gonna get back to my show : ]

useless

currently playing:

Smells Like Teen Spirit

-Casey Abrams

1. First thing you wash in the shower? ...my hair...

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? gray

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? .no.

4.Do you plan outfits? for the most part, ...no

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? a tad sleepy, and craving a convo with someone in particular : )

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my comforter

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? I say Skype

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? ...don't know!

9. Did you meet anybody new today? nopeee unless you count the guy at the starbucks drive through... but I don't think that really counts as "meeting"

10. What are you craving right now? cherries

11. Do you floss? yes...when I remember

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? the word yuck. and rabbits...double yuck.

13. When was the last time you talked on aim? ...in like 7th grade

14. Are you emotional? ...no comment..

15. Would you dance to the taco song? tacos are gross

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? why would I do that?

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick

18. Do you like your hair? egh

19. Do you like yourself? sureee

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? Tyler Hilton<3, the barlow girls, kirk cameron...

21. Do you like cottage cheese? no

22. What are you listening to right now? The Tracks Of My Tears - Paul McDonald

23. How many countries have you visited? 3

24. Are your parents strict? nopee

25. Would you go sky diving? YES

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? ...why not...

27. Would you throw potatoes at him? what idiot wrote this questions?

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? I have a sparkly hat somewhere...and my retainers are sparkly....but I think they are in my bathroom

29. Have you ever been in a castle? nope

30. Do you rent movies often? no need. Netflix baby!

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? I am not taking math....but when I was, it was Hector!

32. Have you made a prank phone call? ...duh

33. Do you own a gun? not yet : )

34. Can you count backwards from 74? yes

35. Who are you going to be with tonight? ....its 1 in the morning...I'm by myself

36. Brown or white eggs? white

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? yes

38. Ever been on a train? no

39. Ever been in love? ...no

40. Do you have a cell-phone? yes

41. Are you too forgiving? at times

42. Do you use chap stick? err day

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? I don't have a best friend

44. Can you use chop sticks? badly

45. Ever have cream puffs? no

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? yes

47. What was the last question you asked? gah.

48. What was the last CD you bought? no clue...mediafire baby.

49. Boys or girls? boys

50. What is your bus number for school? ...seriously? 

51. Is your hair curly? no

52. Last time you cried? a while back

53. Ever walked into a wall? err day. not really...but I do often walk into things

54. Do looks matter? sure

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? yes

56. Have you ever slapped someone? yes

57. Favorite time of the year? winter

58. Favorite color? teal

59. Are you sarcastic? yes.

60. Do you have any tattoos? no

61. The last person you held hands with? hah. no comment

62. Do you sleep with the TV on? no. that is obnoxious

63. Where was your default picture taken at? csusb

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? dislike..yes..hate..no

65. Do you like your life right now? sure. it could be better, it could be worse. I'm content

66. How often do you talk on the phone? hardly ever

67. What is your favorite animal? monkeys

68. What was the most recent thing you bought? facial mask

69. Do you have good vision? nope

70. Can you hula hoop? I'm not sure anymore

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? ...no comment.

72. Do you have a job? yeahh

73. Can you handle the truth? yes.

74. What are you wearing? pjs

75. Have you ever crawled through a window? maybe

One For One

So, I am kinda ecstatic. Next Tuesday is a day without shoes. It is April 5th. This day is encouraged by Toms Shoes. They are a one for one company. For every pair of shoes that is purchased from them, they will give a pair to a child in need somewhere else in the world. This company is a great company. They are working to be as green as possible, and they have a heart for helping people in serious need. On April 5th, you are supposed to not where shoes so you can bring awareness to the many children who have no choice, but to not where shoes. I seriously want to do more. Companies like this and Charity: Water and even To Write Love On Her Arms are all seeking opportunities to help people. With Toms it is giving shoes. With Charity: Water, it is building wells in Ethiopia, and TWLOHA is to help depressed people realize they have something to live for, and to help them get the help they need. The world is so big, and there are so many people who have needs. I want to help. Think about it. I am given money for things I don't need all the time. Giving $40 to help provide a sustainable water source for people in Ethiopia is a much better use of my money than going to the movies a couple of times, or buying clothes I don't need. Buying a pair of shoes from Toms, or a shirt from TWLOHA   would be better than buying some heels from forever 21. These companies are helping people. I want to be a part of that. I am going to start by joining thousands of people not wearing shoes on April 5th. After that, who knows? I have a few ideas in my head... I am thinking about making my budget include a special percentage of my paychecks to go to companies like Toms, Charity: Water, and To Write Love On Her Arms. After that, I'm even thinking about my next birthday. Birthday you ask? Isn't that a bit selfish? But what I am thinking is I will ask everybody who is planning on giving me a gift to give me money instead. That way I can put it towards helping people in need. Like I said before, I want to be part of the change in the world. And, I want to start now.

Those You've Known

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the song name down.


IF SOMEONE ASKS ‘ARE YOU OKAY?’ YOU SAY?
Don't you want me?
 -Glee

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Backstabber
-Ke$ha

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Permanent December
-Miley Cyrus

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Peg O' My Heart
 -Dropkick Murphys

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
I'm Not Calling You A Liar
-Florence + The Machine

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Control
 -Bernhoft

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Just To See You Smile
 -Tim McGraw

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Oh My Stars
 -Andrew Belles

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Nothing Like This
-Rascal Flatts

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Going Out In Style
 -Dropkick Murphys

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Smoke
 -Ben Folds Five

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Shut Out The Lights
 -Keith Urban

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Tangled
-Maroon 5


WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Caught Up In You
-We The Kings

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
 F*** You
 -Cee Lo Green

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Catch All The Fish
 -Brad Paisley

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Love 2012
 -3OH!3

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dog Days Are Over
 -Florence + The Machine

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Welcome To The Future
 -Brad Paisley

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW
Last One Standing
 -Example

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Static Waves
 -Andrew Belles

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Those You've Known
-Spring Awakening

< 3

my bliss:

"love may make you blind, kid"

I love the feeling I get after I read a good book. It is a feeling I can't quite find anywhere else, from anything else. It is very distinct. There is a ride a good book can take you on. There are undeniable highs, and unfathomable lows. I connect to the characters. I feel for the characters. I am not a person who needs to get some big meaning out of every book. I do not need to analyze it past the point of enjoyment, and dissect every sentence. I just enjoy. I love to take the book for what it is on the surface....a story. Of course there are books that really make an impact, and change my way of thinking, but even those, there wasn't much of analyzing the books...it was more analyze my feelings towards the books. I like fictional books. I like happily ever afters. It allows me to escape from reality for a while and just get lost in the magic of a good story. I love the solace, the calm, the pastoral feeling that engulfs me. It is peace in a world that is often not peaceful. It is an offering of hope. 

Cliche.

This Love

-Maroon 5