discovery.

I am realizing how much I want to travel; how much I want to explore. I want to live in a new place. I want to meet new people. I want to learn. There is so much of the world that most of us never get to explore. I don't just want to visit, I  want to live. There is so much my mind and heart are urging me to discover.

I know those eyes; they take me back in time .

She Could Be You

-Shawn Hlookoff

             I have this urge to write, to express myself, to create, but I am at a loss as of what to say. I am listening to "She Could Be You," on repeat, and this song just takes me to a place where I am totally relaxed and happy. It is a really beautiful song. It makes me forget about, wait, scratch that. It makes me not care about the bad stuff I am dealing with. Maybe what will be created int he session of artistic outbreak will be a new way of thinking; a new way of living my life. The current way doesn't seem to be working to well, and quite recently, I have been trying out some new things. I think they might fit out just right. : ] 

           I am going to graduate soon. I will be thrown into the real world with just my family as a cushion. Even that will diminish slightly. I am tired of high school drama. I am tired of trivial matters being the things that consume my life. Life is short. I want to fill mine with love, laughter, and adventure. I want to face all my fears and do things I never expected I would do. I want to challenge myself and those around me. I don't want to live for the people around me anymore.

           People around me, I allow them to consume my life. I care too much, I care too little, they don't think I am good enough, I don't think I am good enough for them. Done. no more. People say cliche things about people entering and leaving your life, and although over used, I think there might be something there. Looking back at my friendships, many of them only lasted for about a year. I am thinking, maybe I was just supposed to learn something, or grow from them in some way, and then move on. Instead of dwelling on  the pain of losing a friend, I think I will focus on the lessons learned and move forward. No being upset, no crying, no being hurt. The friends served their purpose at the time. Now, it is time to move forward and find someone new I can learn from. Isn't that a pillar in life anyways? To learn? I think it is, and I have plenty to learn. : ]

[She Could Be You]

"I'm haunted by this photograph
Don't know why
Everytime I look, I get shivers down my spine
You're such a beautiful face
I know those eyes
They take me back in time

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you
I wish that i could tell you
What you don't know
I dream about that day
But it's impossible
In another world,
I'll be yours tonight
But i can't break free from this life

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

I see it all the time
I know it's true
A picture doesn't lie

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

She could be you
She could be you"

Totally Exposed.

Naked

-Walker Hayes

I think I am a jerk magnet. Where are all the nice guys?...nice people in general. I am tired of being used and then thrown out like the trash. Why is it not enough to be friends with me? Sheesh. Special note for the jerk of the month.

        Dear Jerk,

             I was straight with you from the beginning. Did you think you could change my mind? Well guess what...you didn't. Now I know you were just a jerk like half the guys in the world. You said I was a really good friend, but apparently not...  Apparently that was just a line, because as soon as I made it exceptionally clear that that was all we are, you bolted. Whatever. My opinion of you was totally diminished. One day you will want my trust back...Good luck trying to get it. 

           Sincerely,

                 the person who was your friend when everyone else was gone. 

Rock of Salvation

-Nathan Keating

Some artists have really catchy lyrics. Others have a really good hook. If you're lucky, you might just find one of those amazing artists that have actually heart filled, good, and emotional lyrics. Nathan Keating is one of those people! His music is really awesome, and then you actually listen to the words, and I realize he is really sharing his heart. His music makes me bad days good, and my good days even better. In youth group tonight, we were talking about the spiritual discipline of worship. We talked about actually listening to what the words are saying and thinking about them instead of just singing along. I was listening to his cd "Here Goes Everything" on the way home, and I started paying attention to the words. I really began to feel myself worshiping. Well, I just thought I would share that. "search my heart. show me what it means to pick up my cross, deny myself, and worship, because only you deserve it."

She's A Brick.

 

"Brick"

-Ben Folds Five

I once heard that you can't be angry when you are dancing. Okay, so it was on a television show... but who cares? I think it is true. For some reason, I will just get so angry or annoyed sometimes. I don't really know why. I just do, and I don't like it. Just a little bit ago I was totally pissed off...from a video game. Which game you ask? Super Mario. Gah. Really important to be angry over right? Well, I decided to stop playing and put my ipod on instead. I am currently typing, not dancing, but I am already feeling better and less angry. Music is pretty magical. It makes almost everything better. It makes words sound sweeter. It makes stories more visual. Oh, music. You kinda make my day.

"You wont be seventeen forever."

 

Seventeen Forever

-Metro Station

Hey, newly legal adult here = ]

I am fifteen days into my 18th year of life, and so far it has not been that exciting.

In fact, it has been kinda crappy. 

I am ready for a change.

I am ready for a new challenge.

I am ready for some fun.

Any ideas?

Future

So, today I took the ASVAB. That has me looking into my future once again. (it is pretty much a weekly occurrence.) Well, I started looking at the Navy again. Doing JAG in the Navy sounds really cool! And talk about experience! I was even looking into intelligence in the Navy....which seems pretty cool too. The other day, my dad and I were watching television and we say a commercial for the C.I.A., which was a little weird, but whatever. At first I thought very little about it, but then I started researching on the jobs and options in the C.I.A.. It definitely sounds interesting. I don't think there is anyway I will have a job that I would consider average. Some kids say I want to be a doctor, or a teacher, but not. I say I want to be an ambassador, or a naval officer working in JAG, or a lawyer for the C.I.A.. It kinda makes me laugh....Why can't I pick the jobs are pretty simple to get....but no... I pick the jobs that the president assigns, takes a zillion years of school, and/or requires a high level security clearance and a background check. Oh yes, that is me.