In the college group at our church, our young adult minister, Jason, and his wife, Ruthie, did a short series on dating, engagement, and marriage. They gave us biblical evidence and practical advise on the subject. They suggested these 18 questions be asked before engagement. These are key things that should be discussed before you plan to spend the rest of your lives together! Some of these are a given. On the other hand, some are things you wouldn't think to ask. I wanted to document them here since I will probably lose the paper.
Questions to ask before engagement.
1.What is your greatest fear or concern about being married? What have you done to address those concerns?
2.How do you define "healthy interdependence"? How would you maintain that in a marriage?
3. What do you believe are appropriate sexual expectations during marriage?
4. Do you want to have children? Why or why not?
5. How were you disciplined as a child? How would you discipline our children?
6. Describe your spiritual journey over the past ten years.Describe the high points and low points.
7.How do you handle conflict? Do you retreat, explode, or something else?
8. What are three things that really irritate you?
9. What are you expectations of interactions with in-laws and extended family?
10. What was your economic background when growing up? How has that impacted you today?
11. Are you a saver or a spender when it comes to money?
12. What are you dreams and goals for the next 5 years? 10 years?
13. Openly, but carefully, discuss you past sexual experiences.
14. What is there about my life that concerns you at this point?
15. How would you keep romance alive if we were to marry?
16. How has you relationship with God changed because of your relationship with me?
17. What is your personality type?
18. What are your expectation of your spouse?
Making the most of your engagement:
*Set stricter boundaries for time spent alone together and physical intimacy.
*The wedding process is stressful. Stay on the same team.
*Expect to get cold feet. (Nerves are expected. It is okay to ask yourself if you are ready to be a provider, or to be submissive. If you are asking yourself if you should marry the person...seriously reconsider.)
*Take premarital counseling classes.
*Pay off as much individual debt as possible.
*Make a plan for your new life together.
*Enjoy the journey.
Questions to ask before/while dating:
1. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years?
2. What is the most important thing in your life and why?
3. What does your ideal family look like?
4. What is your parenting philosophy?
5. What is your personal philosophy on your finances? Are you a spender or a saver when it comes to money?
6. Would you ever adopt children? What are you thoughts on an ethnically mixed family?
7. What is your ideal relationship you would want with your in-laws?
8. What would a perfect weekend look like with your spouse?
9. Do you have interests that you would want your significant other to share?
10. What values do you want to bring from your family into a marriage?
11. Do you face difficult situations or try to avoid conflict?
12. Can you forgive?
13. What are you physical/ sex expectations, while dating and married?
14. Is seeking Godly counsel an issue in your life important to you?
15. Is there anything you need in your life, but have a hard time asking for?
16. What are you top 5 goals you want to achieve in your lifetime?
So obviously some of the question in the first set are derived from some of these. These things are all important to know when dating someone. After all, dating is to find a spouse! "When a guy asks these questions, the girl knows he is interested. When a girl asks these questions, a guy knows she serious." -Jason The fact is, these can be awkward topics to bring up. It can feel weird to ask, and weird to answer, but these can help weed out the people that are not right for you. They are important!
Fin.
